Understanding the Function of Your Child’s Behaviour - A Beginner’s Guide

When a child’s behaviour feels big, confusing or even scary, it’s natural to ask: “Why are they doing this?” “Is it my fault?” “Will it always be like this?”

In behaviour analysis, we start from a very different place: Behaviour is communication.

Your child is not “being difficult” for the sake of it. They are trying to get a need met, or to cope with something that feels hard. When we understand the function of a behaviour, we can support the child in a kinder, more effective way.

This guide is a gentle introduction to what “function of behaviour” means and how it can help you at home and in school meetings.

What does “function of behaviour” mean?

The function of a behaviour is the reason it keeps happening. In simple terms: What does this behaviour do for the child?

For example:

• A child who shouts when the TV is turned off might be trying to:

  • Get the TV back on, or

  • Avoid moving to a harder task, like homework.

• A child who hits when another child comes close might be trying to:

  • Get more space, or

  • Avoid a social situation that feels overwhelming.

    
    

We are not saying the behaviour is “good” or “bad”. We are asking: What is this behaviour helping the child to achieve right now?

The four common functions (in very plain language)

Professionals often talk about four main functions of behaviour. Here they are in everyday words, with simple examples.

To get something (attention or items/activities)

• “Look at me.”

• “Talk to me.”

• “Give me that thing.”

Examples:

• A child screams when you’re on the phone, and you stop to talk to them.

• A child grabs a toy from a sibling and runs away with it.

• A pupil calls out in class and the teacher responds straight away.

To get away from or avoid something

• “This is too hard.”

• “I don’t like this.”

• “I need a break.”

Examples:

• A child throws work on the floor when a new task is given, and the task is removed.

• A pupil runs out of the classroom when it gets noisy.

• A child cries at the sight of the hairbrush, and brushing is delayed.

To get sensory input or to feel “just right”

• “This feels good.”

• “This helps my body/brain.”

• “This helps me calm or wake up.”

Examples:

• A child flaps their hands when excited.

• A child rocks back and forth when anxious.

• A pupil taps their pencil or chews their sleeve to stay focused.

A mix of reasons (more than one function)

Real life is messy.

Sometimes a behaviour helps the child both get something and get away from something else. That’s okay. We can still learn from it.

Why does knowing the function matter?

When we understand the function, we can:

• Stop blaming the child (or ourselves).

  We move from “They’re being naughty” to “They’re trying to cope.”

  
  

• Choose support strategies that actually work.

  If a child is trying to escape a task, giving them more attention won’t help. If they’re seeking attention, giving them a break from work won’t help.

  
  

• Teach safer, more helpful skills.

  We can show the child a different way to get the same need met.

For example:

• If the function is attention, we can teach:

  • “Mum, can you play with me?”

  • A tap on the arm, or a visual card that says “Help please”.

    
    

• If the function is escape, we can teach:

  • “This is too hard.”

  • “Break please.”

  • A simple signal for “one more minute”.

    
    

• If the function is sensory, we can:

  • Offer safe sensory tools (chew toys, fidgets, movement breaks).

  • Adjust the environment (lighting, noise, seating).

    
    

A gentle way to start noticing function at home

You don’t need to be a behaviour analyst to start thinking about function. You can begin with three simple questions:

What happened just before the behaviour?

• Was a demand given?

• Did someone walk away?

• Did something change (noise, light, people)?

What did my child do?

• Be as factual as you can: “threw the toy”, “screamed”, “ran to bedroom”.

What happened after the behaviour?

• Did they get attention?

• Did the task stop?

• Did they get access to a toy, screen, or space?

Over time, patterns often appear. You might notice: “Most meltdowns happen when we’re rushing to leave the house,” or “He shouts when I talk to his sibling.”

This is not about catching your child out. It’s about understanding what they are telling you with their behaviour.

Common worries parents share

“If I give them what they want, am I rewarding bad behaviour?”

It’s understandable to worry about this. The key is to:

• Keep your child safe and calm in the moment.

• Later, teach a more helpful way to ask for the same thing.

For example, you might say: “I can see this is too much. Let’s have a break. Next time, we’ll practise saying ‘Break please’.”

“Does this mean I’ve caused the behaviour?”

No. Behaviour is shaped by many things: your child’s neurology, environment, past experiences, and current stress levels. Looking at function is not about blame. It’s about understanding and support.

How this links to ABA and Positive Behaviour Support

In ABA and Positive Behaviour Support, we:

• Look carefully at what is happening before and after behaviours.

• Try to understand the function, not just stop the behaviour.

• Work with families and schools to:

  • Adjust environments,

  • Teach new skills, and

  • Build on the child’s strengths.

    
    

The goal is always the same: A life that feels safer, more predictable and more meaningful for your child and your family.

When to seek extra support

You might want to reach out for professional help if:

• Behaviours are putting your child or others at risk.

• School is breaking down or refusing to meet needs.

• You feel exhausted, stuck or blamed.

Working with a Board Certified Behaviour Analyst (BCBA) and UKBA(cert) behaviour analyst can help you:

• Understand the function of key behaviours.

• Create a clear, step-by-step support plan.

• Bring home and school together around shared strategies.

Final thoughts

Your child’s behaviour is not a verdict on your parenting. It is a form of communication.

When we slow down and ask, “What is this behaviour doing for my child?” we open the door to:

• More compassion,

• More effective support, and

• Less blame for everyone involved.

  
  

If you’d like help to understand the function of your child’s behaviour and turn that into a practical plan at home or school, this is exactly the kind of work I do every day as a Board Certified Behaviour Analyst (BCBA) and UKBA(cert) behaviour analyst.